A reflection made while juggling school and ministry by Esther Kim
This is a busy time of the semester for most students. Midterms are around the corner and assignments are piled up. I’m a student myself and I can feel my school work creeping up on me (especially my dissertation.. I want to cry when I think about it :’D). It’s a stressful time of the semester for all of us.
Sometimes I think about what makes someone a “good student.” Showing up to class, paying attention, doing the homework, studying for exams. We all know the checklist. It comes naturally because we’ve done it for years, and the system rewards us for it. You put in effort → you see results. It feels predictable. It feels safe.
But what about being a “good Christian”?
We often list similar “actions”: reading the Bible, praying, going to church, attending fellowship, maybe serving at church and in the community. And yet, somehow, this list feels heavier and harder. Like the heart has to work more than the hands.
Especially when school becomes loud, when grades, deadlines, career aspirations, and fears about the future start pressing on your chest. When everyone around you seems to be racing ahead, doing more, achieving more. You want to keep up. You don’t want to fall behind. And suddenly Matthew 6:33, “Seek first the kingdom of God,” feels less like a promise and more like a gamble.
What if I do seek God first… and it costs me something?
What if I miss the opportunity?
What if I fall behind?
What if God doesn’t come through?
We don’t struggle to obey God because we are lazy or weak.
We struggle because obedience requires trust. And trust is hard when the outcome is uncertain.
Here’s a picture:
Imagine I hand you a sealed black box and say,
“Put your hand inside. Don’t worry. Trust me.”
If you know me as a person you might hesitate for a second (because I like playing pranks), but you would probably do it if I asked you sincerely. Because trust is built from relationships.
But if a stranger told you to put your hand into the same box, you’d freeze. You’d pull back. You would start evaluating risk, questioning motives, calculating probabilities. Not because you’re dramatic or weak, but because you don’t trust them.
The difference wasn’t courage.
The difference was the relationship.
Obedience always grows from trust.
Trust always grows from relationships.
This is why Noah could obey when God asked him to build an ark that made no sense, and later, leave the ark when the world was unfamiliar and new. His obedience wasn’t fueled by willpower. It came from trust: trust in God’s voice, God’s character, God’s heart.
And maybe that’s where our struggle is.
Not in obedience itself but in trust.
I want to say this honestly.
I’m a student too. I know what it feels like to see everyone around you moving forward. Publishing papers. Building connections. Spending more time finishing that dissertation. And meanwhile, you’re praying about whether to spend time with God or finish your reading assignment. You’re trying to do the “right thing,” but your chest feels tight because you can feel the cost.
Putting God first isn’t easy when everything in front of you feels urgent.
And sometimes, trusting God feels like closing your eyes and falling backward.
But trust works like a muscle.
It doesn’t grow from knowing the right answers.
It grows from practice.
Think of a child standing on a playground platform while their parent stands below and says, “Jump, I’ll catch you.” The child doesn’t analyze, compare, or reason. They jump because they know their parents. They’ve been held before. They’ve been caught before.
Their obedience is shaped by the memory of love.
We’re not used to thinking of God that way, as someone who catches us. But that’s exactly how Scripture reveals Him: faithful, patient, steady, never failing those who trust Him.
And if trusting Him feels hard right now, it’s not because your faith is small.
It’s because you are still learning His heart.Faith doesn’t begin in our strength; it begins in our sight. And sight comes from Scripture.
“Faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17).
So maybe instead of asking God:
“Help me obey more,”
We begin with:
“Help me know You more.”
Because as you begin to see His faithfulness, in the stories of Scripture, in the lives of His people, in your own history: something gentle will begin to shift in you.
Obedience won’t feel like jumping into the unknown anymore.
It will feel like falling into arms that have caught you before.
I hope that you are encouraged to encounter God through the scriptures. I hope you could walk through the story of God, not as a textbook or an assignment that you would have to do as a “faithful and obedient” Christian, but as a relationship. You will see His patience. His pursuit. His promises. His love that refuses to let His children go.
And maybe along the way, you’ll hear Him whisper again:
“I know you’re tired. I know it’s hard.
But you’re safe with Me.
Will you trust Me again?”
Not “trust Me instead of studying”.
Not “trust Me instead of working”.
But “trust Me with your studying”.
“Trust Me with your work”.
“Trust Me with your future”.
The God who calls you to seek Him first is not asking you to risk your life.
He is asking you to let Him hold it.
And He has always been faithful. Never failing, not even once.
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